Dr Fork-Stabber has the answers
"No need mate this one's fine" assured the young man.
Dirty boy. Very dirty boy.
This was a very definite faux pas on his part.
And then there was the older "gentleman" that used the very annoying "Yo" command to attract my attention. Yo fucking ho matey. What the fuck is it with this "Yo" thing these days. If you are Flavor Flav I'll let you off with it. If you are a retired gent from the suburbs of Belfast then don't even consider it.
Another faux pas. I was nearly gonna head back and get my stabbing fork back from dirty boy.
Now I know most of you wouldn't ever use "Yo" to attract a waiters attention. And I would hate to think that you wouldn't want your dropped fork replaced. But do you worry about how to conduct yourself in a restaurant? Do you worry about being stabbed by the waiter? Is it okay to touch the waiters sweet sweet sugar loaf? If you ask for brown sauce will the waiter laugh at you? When is it okay to not to tip? Will the waiter spit in my soup if I send it back? Was the waiter being a snooty fuck when he said, "Ketchup sir? Oh right away!"? If such issues keep you awake at night or keep you from enjoying your bimonthly night out at your local Pizza hut then fret no more.