Well Done Fillet

Well Done Fillet

Waiter Stuff

Dr Fork-Stabber has the answers

A young man dropped his fork on the ground on Tuesday night. I can hear a fork hitting the ground from twenty paces, so I was immediately on hand with a new shiny clean fork free from hair and crumbs and the other detritus to be found on the average restaurant floor. Now that I think about it we probably need to clean our floor a bit better.

"No need mate this one's fine" assured the young man.

Dirty boy. Very dirty boy.

I wasn't sure what to do with the fork. Stabbing him for his dirtiness wouldn't stand up as a reasonable defense in a court of law. So I just left it with him. The young lady with him was somewhat mortified and as I walked away I could hear her telling him to use the new one.

This was a very definite faux pas on his part.

And then there was the older "gentleman" that used the very annoying "Yo" command to attract my attention. Yo fucking ho matey. What the fuck is it with this "Yo" thing these days. If you are Flavor Flav I'll let you off with it. If you are a retired gent from the suburbs of Belfast then don't even consider it.

Another faux pas. I was nearly gonna head back and get my stabbing fork back from dirty boy.

Dr Fork-Stabber
The doctor will see you now

Now I know most of you wouldn't ever use "Yo" to attract a waiters attention. And I would hate to think that you wouldn't want your dropped fork replaced. But do you worry about how to conduct yourself in a restaurant? Do you worry about being stabbed by the waiter? Is it okay to touch the waiters sweet sweet sugar loaf? If you ask for brown sauce will the waiter laugh at you? When is it okay to not to tip? Will the waiter spit in my soup if I send it back? Was the waiter being a snooty fuck when he said, "Ketchup sir? Oh right away!"? If such issues keep you awake at night or keep you from enjoying your bimonthly night out at your local Pizza hut then fret no more.

I'm here to answer your restaurant related questions. Let Manuel take the pain and embarrassment away. Just leave your questions in the comments or email me at: Ichewwithmymouthopenisthatokay?@welldonefillet.com

I'll answer them tomorrow.