Well Done Fillet

Well Done Fillet

Waiter Stuff

The O'Griswolds and the search for pasta

And so it begins.... "Hi we are 5..." said the part stressed part angry (American) mom.

"Hi I'm 35" said the part waiter part comedian Manuel

"Do you have a table for five then?" I assumed by her pointed tone that she got my joke but just didn't care for it. Pfft....

"Ok then, sorry, I have a table for four left but you could squeeze round it easily enough." The gaggle of small children at her feet obviously were having a negative effect on her so I thought I should drop the humour. Angry mothers care not for the civility of a nice restaurant and will quite happily start a fight at the drop of a menu or bad pun.

"Great....gimme a menu first though. We need pasta, you got pasta?"
"Pasta? No pasta on this menu, sorry"



"So no pasta and no pizza, huh." She said getting very snippy as if all restaurants all over the world serve pasta and pizza.

"Correct no pasta and no pizza. Maybe you could try an Italian restaurant" I sarcastically helpfully suggested.

"Could the chef maybe make us up some pasta and sauce?"

We were pretty busy and whilst the shit hadn't quite hit the fan it was very definitely heading that way. I was pretty damn sure I wasn't going to be the one who pushed said shit into the chefs fan. So the best answer I reasoned was, "No."

"Well why don't you go and ask him?"

I could think of about 20 reasons why I didn't want to go and ask him if he would cook pasta and sauce, the main one being I'm pretty attached to my face and didn't fancy having it ripped off.

"Okay then, you wait here and I'll go do that." Did I fuck. I went out the back and checked the schedule, twice, and wandered slowly back to the door again wearing a sad and disconsolate face.

"Sorry madam it's just not possible tonight as we are far too busy."

"Wow, no pasta and no pizza. It's just that Mary Bridget needs her carbohydrates for her dancing tomorrow. She is in a big competition you know."

"Ah yes I understand. Maybe I could get you a taxi somewhere else?"

"No it's fine they need to walk it's good exercise."

And off they marched in their matching tracksuits with, and I'm not making this up, "TEAM O'FLANNERY" emblazoned on the back. My those kids are gonna grow up damaged and full of hate, not just for mom but for all things Irish too. I should add little Mary Bridget was about 8 years old at the most.


The kid needs a bag of sweets and a movie to watch not a good bloody walk!