Well Done Fillet

Well Done Fillet

Waiter Stuff

I want you to arrange a meeting, with the heads of the Five Families. This(stew) war stops now

Godfather, they want the stew business
What a night! I had a table of 15 booked for 8pm, all of which were managers and head chefs from local restaurants and bars. This also included my head chef and not only the glorious leader(GM) but our supreme leader(OWNER) himself. No pressure there then. The cooker jockeys were stressed to the point of sobriety. I'd never seen them so jittery, it was almost cute. I wasn't stressed about serving such a table of industry luminaries, hell I had swapped my shift to ensure that I would be serving them. I enjoy the challenge. Masochistic tendencies I think,

"CALL ME BOY!"

"CLICK YOUR FINGERS AT ME, CLICK 'EM, CLICK 'EM!"

"I'M YOUR FOOD AND DRINK BITCH!!"

"DON'T SAY MY NAME"

Sorry about that.....I was having a moment there. It was a scene reminiscent of the Godfather, the meeting of the heads of the 5 families. There were lots of loud and over the top greetings and air kissing. (air kissing in Belfast? Pfft!) There was also lots of whispering between the chef and manager from each of the individual restaurants.

There was still no clear reason as to why they were all meeting. As I stood there waiting for them to get their shit together I surmised that it was price fixing! Portions of chips would be raised to £3.00 per portion and all house wine would start at £15.00 per bottle. Wages within the city centre would be capped for another 5 years and most controversially fish and chips would rise to £10.00 a plate, and that's just for lunch mwahahahahahahaha!

Then of course there was the tricky matter of who would control the lucrative Irish Stew market especially as tourist numbers are expected to rise again this year. The bar managers would say they should have exclusive rights to it as they won control of the stew markets back in the big stew wars of '73. The bar owners fought a bloody and vicious war with the restaurant owners back in the early 70's which lead to them agreeing to stop selling scampi in return for the exclusive rights to the Irish Stew market. But the restrauteurs know that it is a cash rich industry and they also know they can do it better and charge more. In the end it would be agreed to share the Irish stew business as long as the bar owners were allowed to serve scampi and chowder. The price of stew would rise though to £7.00 a bowl for tourists, £4.00 for locals though who would laugh in your face if you charged them any more than that.

Of course they weren't really in to fix prices or run a stew cartel. One of the bar people was leaving the industry to take up a new and more dramatic position in the Opera House. But Lucyfer had the rest of the restaurant under control and I had time to dream. Lucyfer has been renamed. She was formerly known as Psycho but Lucyfer seems to fit her hot headed mentality better.

The meal went without a hitch and all were delighted. I even got make up my own service charge. Which isn't as fun as it sounds. I'd like to have whacked 30% on but even I would blush at the cheek of it, so I settled for half that which is only 5% more than normal.

In other slightly more unsettling news I think I am being sold into slavery or something. The Supreme Leader told me he needs me to go to London with him at the start of next month and that I should keep my diary free. Keep my diary free? Ha! I'm a waiter my diary isn't exactly over flowing with very important things to do. Let me check.... go to work, get day off, do laundry, spend time with LMM, repeat. I'd say my month is fairly free. And any way when the Supreme Leader says you're going to London with him you're going to London! Ballsy as I am I ain't saying no to the big boss man. But he revealed no further details. So obviously my mind is racing with possibilities. He either really likes me and wants to take me away for a few days r R and R, or I'm being sold into white slavery. Gotta be honest I don't fancy either. That said things worked out okay for that Spartacus guy......

Ps it's Threadless Thursday over there....