The Time of Judgment be upon us....Crikey!
The wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, well read, charismatic, funny and all round good eggs from the Irish Blog Awards (that'll do darling-LMM) are now inviting nominations for this years awards. Different format this year as the winners will be decided by a panel of judges as opposed to a popularity vote. I wonder who the judges could be......[wavy dream lines]
Judging Panel A - Judges from 2000AD
- Judge Dread - firm but fair - likes well organised blogs with tidy sidebars and that follow a strict adherence to blogging etiquette such as linking back and despises multiple personalities. Catchphrase, "I am the law....on all things related to Wordpress and Blogger blog systems. But not Typepad." Catchy....
- Judge Judy Janus - being a psychic she probably knows the results already - tends to favour blogs about horoscopes and earth stones and other such keek. Catchphrase, "I knew you were going to write that."
- Judge Death - no sense of humour being dead and all - but is known to enjoy the musings of Twenty Major and Old Bitter Balls - also known to really enjoy stories from Iraq which he thinks are just hilarious. Catchphrase, "Deeeeeaaaaaatttthhh to bad blogs...."
Judging Panel B - Judges off the TV
- Judge John Deed - Former Professional turned Judge, big fan of the ladies and would tend to throw his weight, and anything else, behind blogs by the ladies. But he would probably upset the people from the Irish Blog Awards as Judge John Deed plays by his own rules, a rebel with a wig and gown. Catchphrase, "I find you guilty....guilty of being sexy." This got him into trouble when he judged this years small dog's section at Crufts.
- Judge Judy (didn't see that coming eh!) - Takes a no nonsense approach to judging - favours blogs that, like herself, are plain speaking and that didn't have an affair or run out the day the baby was born. Beware, if you put your blog in front of her to be judged you might end up paying half of your hits to the eventual winner in blog alimony. Catchphrase, "Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's a blog."
- Judge Reinhold - Also known as Billy - he is a nice guy, this makes it very difficult for him to make a fucking decision, and he falls down a lot - being a born again (wasn't once enough?) Christian, Billy takes a dim view of blogs with any nakedness, swearing, blaspheming, evolution, drink and drug references, music other than the God rock of Resurrection, books other than the bible, derogatory remarks about GWB, questioning of the War on Terra, and anything related to Richard Dawkins. All things considered he probably shouldn't get involved. Catchphrase, "Only God can judge you on the last day blah blah blah....."
Judging Panel C Various Types of Teenagers
- Emo/Goth Kids - They were actually a surprise hit at this years Ireland's Beautiful Baby Contest and helped sway the panel towards the 3 year old with the cross eyes and three giant freckles. They tend to favour blogs on the darker side of life. The actually wanted to vote The Samaritans website as last years winner but withdrew that idea when they were convinced it wasn't a blog. Catchphrase, "What's the point, no but really, what's the point?
- Indie Kids - They were they first person to read your blog, and stopped when it became popular. They are always on the cutting edge, not like the Emo/Goth kids who are actually on the edge of cutting........themselves. The Indie kids prefer blogs left of centre and despise the populist blogs. And if their mum's read it, then there is no chance of them voting for you. Catchphrase, "Like that was so last year/I read that when he had only 5 hits."
- Ned's/Scallies/Spides/Knackers - They probably wont take part and will just rob the bowl of fruit, do your pockets, steal your lap top, and beat you up for money for Buckfast. And beware if they do vote you as winner make sure you leave somebody in your house when you go to get your award as they will know you're out and will come round and do your house over. Catchphrase, "Blog? Are you a fruit or wah?"
Or of course they could just be well respected members of the community who have donated their time to judge this years award, but secretly I hope its Judging Panel A......