The Waiter Episode 1 Part 1 - Meet the Contestants
Trainee number 1 is from the Scottish town of Killamory, he's the oldest trainee at 68 but is determined to prove that age is no barrier in the pursuit of his dream. Say hello to Old Fnudsen! Old Fnudsen says he likes serving weemen the best and relaxes to a jolly Enid Blyton book and glass of shandy at the end of his shift. Old Fnudsen retired from a distinguished career as a postman 3 years ago and is keen to get back into work again. When asked what he would be bringing to the table in terms of skills Old Fnudsen replied, "Skills? What fucking skills do you need to be a tray jockey......is this deal or no deal....where am I?" Old Fnudsen wants to become THE WAITER because, "If that fat bastard Manuel can do it ah can do it too."
Trainee number 2 is Mauve from Canuksville Canada. She wouldn't give us her age, "It's a girls secret." she giggled. Mauve worked in her local cinema before coming on the waiter. "I got to keep lots of posters for my bedroom, you want some?" Mauve lists her favourite past times as watching soaps, reading celebrity magazines, and doing her hair. "I look like Goldilocks eh?" When asked who her favourite author is Mauve replied "I don't really read much, does the TV Guide have an author, I like that!" And then giggled again. We asked Mauve what unique skills she had that would set her apart from the rest of the trainees she said, "I'm just a really really bubbly person, I'm always happy, and I'm just gonna try my best and make everybody back in Canuksville proud of me....eh." Mauve wants to become THE WAITER because, "I want to meet lots of lovely interesting and attractive people."
Trainee number 3 is Shimmie from Dublin Ireland. Shimmie is 28 and married with 7 kids, all girls, all called Worf. When we asked Shimmie about this he said, "Ah der Manuel your nat d'first person to ask me dat. We just really loiked dat name and decided to give it to all d'girls. Ah dey all love it dey do." Shimmie worked at a pharmaceutical plant before leaving to try his luck on THE WAITER. "Yeah der Manuel, I loiked it in d'factory but I always thought it was having an effect on me virility. Oi mean 7 kids in 4 years is a bit much. D'woife is knackered. But it's gas craic in d'factory, a great bunch of lads, hello Seamie, hello Sean!" Shimmie says he has great organisational skills and can do 10 things at once. "Wi 7 kids you have to be able to multi task. You jus have to!" Shimmie wants to become THE WAITER, "Just to get away from the kids for a few weeks, they are getting me down....."
Trainee number 4 is Shelly from Belfast NI. Shelly is 38 and single, "I don't need a man to be happy." Shelly has been running her own import/export business for the last ten years but "I Want a new challenge. I need to be challenged all the time or I will stagnate." Shelly loves to smoke and has reacted badly to being told that she cant smoke at the restaurant. "What the fucking fuck is that all about?" she screamed at the young production assistant. "Get me the fucking contract, and a lighter." It took an hour to calm Shelly down and the production crew have constructed her a special smoking shelter outside. "Shelly gets what Shelly wants" coughed Shelly through a cloud of smoke. "I will win this competition, I'm a successful, driven independent woman." When asked why people will favour her over the other trainees Shelly said, "I have a positive energy and Gucci shoes hahahahaha."
That's the first four contestants revealed. Lets have a look at where the trainees will be living whilst competing in THE WAITER. In order for the trainees to fully understand the pressures of the modern waiter we have recreated the exact living conditions as well as working conditions. The trainees will share a house, but not an ordinary house! Behind the walls, windows, and pictures we have installed cameras to record their every moment when they are not at work. There are 4 bedrooms, and only 6 beds. Someone needs to make friends with another trainee or they will be sleeping on the sofa, the busted sofa. The cooker doesn't work properly and the heating is on the blink. There is no cable TV service and the phone has been disconnected. The rules of the house are fairly simple and will be revealed as the weeks go along. But the house must be kept tidy at all times. The psychological well being of the trainees is important too and there is a special room were they can go and talk to our trained staff who will help them with any issues they have. That room is the "Maître d' Office."
So do you think any of these trainees has what it takes to be THE WAITER? Coming up in the second part of this opening night two part special we will meet the final four trainees. We have a fitness freak, a Wrestler, a crazy Dutchman, and a farmers son......
The events depicted in The Waiter are fictitious. Any similarity to any person/blogger living or dead is merely coincidental. And just for laughs."